The Ventilator

Incorporating The Ranger's Blog


The ultimate luxury: bird poo on your face.

Matthew Chatfield

It’s old news if you’re keeping up with the world of beauty treatments, but the latest thing this year for the ultimate luxury facial is made from nightingale droppings. Gathered from nightingale farms in China, the secret ingredient of the bird turds is apparently guanine. The Daily Mail explains:

In the times of Imperial court, Nightingale faeces was used by Geisha and Kabuki actors to remove their thick clay-based make-up. The bird dung has tried-and-tested skin lightening properties and contains the enzyme Guanine that brightens dull skin.

Now, hang on. Here comes the science. Guanine? For a start, it’s not an enzyme – it’s a nucleotide. For another thing, it occurs in all sorts of bird poo, and lots of other places too. There’s a clue in the name. Guanine, guano… see? So ugly celebrities intent on making themselves beautiful may as well let pigeons poo on their faces.

Paris in the spring

This is typical beauty-industry hype. Really, if you wanted to think of a good way to part rich ladies from their money, how much more entertaining could it be than to relieve them of

Matthew Chatfield

Uncooperative crusty. Unofficial Isle of Wight cultural ambassador. Conservation, countryside and the environment, with extra stuff about spiders.

2 thoughts on “The ultimate luxury: bird poo on your face.

  • Bloody marketing genius…just goes to show you that women will do/suffer almost any indignity for beauty’s sake…the fact that it’s “totally organic” and purportedly sanitized doesn’t make me feel any better about having bird poo smothered on my face. Poo is poo. Maybe when done cleaning the cat box, I could smear some mog poo on my face…NOT. I’m open minded about most spa treatments, but this one takes the biscuit.

    I can just picture the wealthy socialites stateside in Beverly Hills and NYC beating a path to the trendy salon…saying to one another..OMG I must have it…I simply must…have to be the first among my friends to have tried the poo facial…the only way they would own up to it is that it’s fashionable.

    Of course it HAS to be NIGHTINGALE poo, pigeon poo is all too common and ordinary for any one to try, isn’t it? Hilarious…had the best laugh I’ve had in a while once I read about the poo facial…

    Is it coming to a salon in Houston near me??? Who’s going to be brave enough to try it…NOT I.

  • Mad Mart

    Well there is a lovely rookery along NCN 23 at Blackwater. Perhaps this could be a new opportunity to combine a healthy country cycle ride and beauty treatment. Simply cycle to Blackwater, and lie next to the track facing up, while the rooks plop on your mush.

    The only thing that stops me marketing this concept is the risk of a side effect – Crows feet.


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