Behold the news, a radish has been caddishly assaulted and may have perished! It’s hardly unusual when making a salad, but the oddish thing about this yellowish ex-radish is the bullish wishes of the radish fetishists of the parish, who seem to cherish the dish!
After The Ranger’s adventures at the Isle of Wight’s only RSPB reserve, it was HM the Cat’s turn to go bird watching – and with much more success. In the grounds of a hospital on an industrial estate next to the Isle of Wight’s only dual carriageway is a small but popular pond; popular with the hospital’s incumbents, and the plentiful waterfowl that dabble in its bread-laden waters. Cat, on a mission to photograph a moorhen got more than she bargained for one windy lunchtime…
Mmm! A party invitation arrived recently at Ranger Towers, inviting The Ranger and his companion to an evening meal… of invertebrates! Intrigued? The Ranger certainly was. With the possibility of combining two of his great interests, food and bugs, this was one night out that he certainly was not intending to pass up. The evening, hosted by the Isle of Wight’s most convivial archaeologist, proved to be a great success – at least, from the human point of view. Some of the arthropods involved may have had other views. The entire thing was inspired by the online shopping website Edible.com which sells all sorts of bizarre things which it asserts to be edible. Some are obviously novelty items, but others are less so. After a hearty meal of a conventional nature, The Ranger and the other guests gathered around the intriguing little hamper of goods from Edible.com and prepared to dive in. First on the menu were dried mopane worms – the caterpillar of Gonimbrasia belina, a moth found in much of southern Africa and an important source of protein and for millions of Southern Africans, as well as being of considerable economic importance. So, no novelty item here – people live on these things.
Each dried caterpillar was about 5cm long, and The Ranger dove straight in and crunched one up. Let’s hope he never gets to live in the African bush because it was not good eating. ‘Like charcoal’ was how he described it. Wikipedia tends to agree, saying:
…the dried mopane worm has very little flavor and is some times compared to eating dried wood.
To follow was a dish of Giant Toasted Ants. The Edible.com website chirpily says:
The Guane Indians believe that these Ants have youth giving and Aphrodisiac properties…[they] taste similar to crisply fried bacon with an earthy taste, and make the perfect alternative party snack instead of nuts or olives!
The Ranger had a good go at a couple of these little fellows, and it’s certainly fair to say that they are pretty big ants. Whether the rest of their description stands up to such scrutiny is doubtful, though. They tasted not dissimilar to the mopane worms, with the addition of little spiky legs. And if they had either youth giving or aphrodisiac qualities these were not immediately effective – which, on reflection, was perhaps not entirely a bad thing under the circumstances, as it could well have disrupted the party. Finally, the piece de resistance, a scorpion in a vodka-flavoured lollipop. No mumbo-jumbo about the life-giving emanations and the remote tribes this time – just a scorpion in a lollipop.
Crunchy? Yes, certainly. Sweet, well, kind of. The website helpfully suggests:
…take them clubbing or you can enjoy them at home.
It’s always something to bear in mind, if you were wondering about the etiquette of scorpion-lollipop consumption. A most enjoyable and adventurous evening was had by all – and later exploration of the Edible website revealed one treat which could have rounded off the meal but, not being invertebrate-based, was not on offer this time: Weasel Coffee. Edible.com coyly says:
This Coffee is first eaten by Weasels which then regurgitate it, no one knows why they do this.
Intrigued, The Ranger had to investigate this unlikely tale. It turns out to be almost true, except that the coffee isn’t eaten by weasels, but by the common palm civet (Paradoxurus hermaphoditus); and it is not regurgitated but defecated – yes, that’s the other end – and that some people do know this. It also seems almost certain, given the scarcity and high price of the real Weasel Coffee, that the stuff on offer is in fact the comparable Trung Nguyên’s ‘Legendee’ coffee, which does not involve any weasels at all. But who would want to spoil such a great story?
Startling news from just across the water in Lymington, where six water buffalo have been stolen.
Police have warned people not to approach [them] as “they are able to spray dung across large distances”. A police spokesman said members of the public should not approach the buffalo from behind.
This buffalo looks like it’s about to let one goNow the Ranger has little experience of livestock generally, and none at all of water buffalo. But somehow this hitherto unremarked talent of the buffalo seems worthy of note. No other reference to this ability can be found on the web, although there are plenty of items to be found about the essentially similar trick of the bombardier beetle. So the Ranger’s theory is that this is a variation on the proverbial trick of marking a carton of milk ‘biology experiment’ in an attempt to deter thieves. All cattle have an enviable ability to express themselves with dung – a necessary skill to avoid covering their legs with the stuff. Perhaps water buffalo have refined the art slightly, and, mindful of this, the bereft owner of the buffalo in question decided to draw attention to this ability in the hope that the rustlers, terrified of getting high-pressure dung hosed into their faces, might bring the poor buffalo home. Or maybe not. Anyone else got any corroboration for the buffalo-dung weapon of mass destruction? EDIT: Yes, it worked! Apparently the beasts were back in their field the same day.