Complaining about the Mainland
- Complaining about the Mainland - 17th August, 2024
- New island designation – is it just greenwash? - 26th April, 2024
- Police and Crime Commissioners – a solution or a problem? - 21st April, 2024
After reading an epistle from an irate mainlander I was moved to send the following letter to the editor of The Mainland Press:
Sir,
My childhood was marked by many happy trips to your larger Island for holidays and family occasions. Since then I have been a regular visitor to The Mainland, and delighted in the attractions you have put in place to entertain tourists such as myself. But after my recent visit, I’m thinking it might be my last vacation overseas.
I thought I’d firstly express surprise at the high ferry prices, as if nobody ever mentions that. Because obviously you can sort that out if you choose to. You can’t always blame the Caulkheads – those ferries go two ways, you know.
As for buses and trains, I admit to a profound disappointment. In your cities, admittedly it’s great. Those underground trains are comfortingly familiar. But once you get into vaguely rural territory you can forget it. If Southern Vectis can run £2 buses all day between most Island towns then why can’t you? And the price of your train tickets! Honestly, I think you should get some advice from the Isle of Wight Steam Railway on how to run a successful rail service.
Speaking of transport, have you guys ever taken a road trip that didn’t involve a traffic jam? Or looking for a parking space for hours? Frankly, if we have to wait ten minutes in a tailback we will be on the blower to Island Roads: but on your island, congestion seems to be just accepted. You should try spending less time queuing in traffic – you might like it!
I was also disappointed that many features of my childhood visits are no longer there. I used to love stopping at the Little Chef or Happy Eater. Is it true that you can’t feed the pigeons in Trafalgar Square any more? What happened to Debenhams and C&A? And Jamie’s Italian? At least you’ve still got a few Wimpys hidden away. To be honest, I prefer our little streets of independent shops. I don’t think the whole chain store thing is working out for you – have you thought about getting rid of them?
I can see you’re putting a lot of effort into clearing your place up but my goodness you need to. The graffiti and litter on your north island is another level compared to ours. I was disappointed to see the vast derelict areas blighting your cities, such as the shipyards of the Tyne, and Portsmouth. Our handful of intermittently smouldering hotels seems inconsequential in comparison. Surely your local authorities can put some unemployed folk to work tidying up?
Finally I must mention the standard of moaning from you mainlanders. When I read a missive from some disgruntled overner, I’m dissatisfied by the lack of scope and imagination. Pull yourselves together, and when you visit our Island, the home of champion whingers, read the IWCP letters page and learn to grouse like professionals.
Yours etc.
This article first appeared in print in the Isle of Wight County Press
