Complaints log: the terrible truth about the duckpond

Matthew Chatfield
Latest posts by Matthew Chatfield (see all)

Anyone working in public office will be familiar with the principle that whatever you do, someone’s going to complain. And it’s amazing what ‘The Council’ get blamed for. So today The Ranger’s office was sorry to receive a long letter from a disappointed holidaymaker. She’d travelled with her young family all the way from the north of England to a popular park pond which she’d visited earlier in the year. She was upset and angry with the council, because the ducklings she’d so much enjoyed feeding on her previous visit had all gone! Could the council assure her that it would be putting the ducklings back as soon as possible? Alas, the response has to be made with a straight face. Sadly for us all, cute little things inevitably grow up. In this case, no longer fluffy and peeping enchantingly, they swim stupidly around quacking raucously. You can’t have one without the other. It’s a lesson in life that this complainant may soon learn when her own little darlings stop asking for bread for the ducks, and start demanding playstations and lipstick…

Matthew Chatfield

Uncooperative crusty. Unofficial Isle of Wight cultural ambassador. Conservation, countryside and the environment, with extra stuff about spiders.

3 thoughts on “Complaints log: the terrible truth about the duckpond

  • 12th May, 2012 at 6:12 pm
    Permalink

    Some people are really daft, however, we’ve had some late ducklings up in the dale. Unfortunately there’s always one less in the line whenever we see them. We’re down to one brown duckling out of about 13.

    Reply
  • 12th May, 2012 at 6:12 pm
    Permalink

    We’re sorry, but there are no ducklings because we donated them to a science class, where they were fed to boa constrictors and had the life sloooowly squeezed out of them – as their little ribs collapsed whilst making a slight crunching sound – to demonstrate that “might makes right” in the wild.

    Reply
  • 12th May, 2012 at 6:12 pm
    Permalink

    Due to a current shortage of ducklings, the council will be delighted to put them back next April.

    Reply

Leave a reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.