It's old news if you're keeping up with the world of beauty treatments, but the latest thing this year for the ultimate luxury facial is made from nightingale droppings. Gathered from nightingale farms in China, the secret ingredient of the bird turds is apparently guanine. The Daily Mail explains:

In the times of Imperial court, Nightingale faeces was used by Geisha and Kabuki actors to remove their thick clay-based make-up. The bird dung has tried-and-tested skin lightening properties and contains the enzyme Guanine that brightens dull skin.

Now, hang on. Here comes the science. Guanine? For a start, it's not an enzyme - it's a nucleotide. For another thing, it occurs in all sorts of bird poo, and lots of other places too. There's a clue in the name. Guanine, guano... see? So ugly celebrities intent on making themselves beautiful may as well let pigeons poo on their faces.

This is typical beauty-industry hype. Really, if you wanted to think of a good way to part rich ladies from their money, how much more entertaining could it be than to relieve them of £135 in exchange for throwing s*** at them for 90 minutes? Remarkable.

Perhaps the oddest thing is the nightingales. Yes, nightingales. You see, every lady has heard of nightingales. They are lovely, delicate, beautiful, delightful little harmless birds. Or they might be (actually, they are just fairly drab-looking birds that skulk about in the bushes most of the time). Let's be honest, most of the people enjoying this therapy have probably not heard or seen a nightingale and never will: but they imagine that a nightingale is all those nice things. That's why they can further persuade themselves that even the poo of this bird must be somehow beneficial. Hence the amazing co-incidence that this notoriously delightful bird happens to have this miracle compound guanine in its excrement. Unlike those nasty pigeons. And ducks. And dogs. All of which actually do have guanine in their poo too, as do we all.

The Ranger's take on all this? £135 to have poo flown from China to be rubbed into your face... a bargain, 'because you're worth it'.